Excerpt from part 2 – Mystery and Confusion

Crisis

A priest of our acquaintance occasionally suffers a crisis of faith, and at these times we often encounter him in a local bar.  He sits on a stool watching himself in the mirror behind the bar, and drinks steadily until he has mastered his dilemma.  Then he returns to the rectory and sleeps well into the next afternoon.

One recent evening he described his newest crisis: he was unsure of the true nature of sin, and how it related to his ultimate salvation or damnation.  He explained that he had, in the past, broken one or more of the ten commandments, and in the wake of his transgression begged the Lord for forgiveness.  For instance, he had of late taken the Lord’s name in vain upon smashing his thumb with a hammer, coveted an attractive young parishioner, and bought a lottery ticket, which he supposed was a kind of idolatry.  After his penance, however, he wondered if the Lord really had forgiven him.  If He had, then what was the point of the commandments?  Surely they had no meaning if breaking them could be forgiven so easily.  On the other hand, if he wasn’t forgiven, then his damnation was certain, and there was no good reason to follow them to the letter anyway.

He wondered, then, if this very soul-searching was a form of absolution, and if so, did his opportunistic awareness of the fact negate its effectiveness?  And of course it was possible that this very awareness of the possible value of soul-searching represented an honesty and integrity that the Lord might well appreciate.  Which is to say that the ascetics and saints were either truly blessed, the only people who would get into heaven; or, they were trying much harder than they had to and consequently were fools.

It is worth noting that we have seen our friend the priest at the pulpit from time to time, and neither his message nor his delivery is in the least bit inspiring.  However, when we see him at the bar, he is charming and thought-provoking, and in he wake of these encounters we always report guiltily to church.

From Pieces for the Left Hand. © 2009 by J. Robert Lennon. All rights reserved.